My box of prayers

Since reading the book Redeeming love, i made a prayer box. In this book i put all of my prayers; the ailly, the insane, the achievable, and the deepest desires of my heart, all of them. When they go into the box, i give them completely to God and let Him handle them the way He sees fit. Beofre i put them in, i date them so that i know how long it takes God to answer them, or not answer them depending. I've put a lot of my heart into that box, having faith that God would answer my prayers and grant me the desires of my heart. My bible verse throughout this has been from Psalm 115:90 "My comfort in my suffereing is this; your promise preserves my life". and it has been true in so many way. Some of my prayers have not been answered yet, like what i should do concerning a realtionship with a guy, a closer bond with my family, and letting go of certain things and people i've been holding on to. But some of my prayers ahve been answered. My self esteem has never been better. I've never felt more at peace in all my life. I physically heard God speak to me right after my graduation. But God's not ok with that. he takes it one step further. The week that my best friend was going to europe, she was waiting on a camera, worried that it wouldnt make it to her house in time. I went to her house to talk with her and her family, but before i stepped inside the house, i wrote down a prayer, dated it and put it in the prayer box. It said that i wanted Anne's camera to come before she had to leave for Europe. Not an hour later, she looked outside her door and her camera was on the doorstep. In less than an hour. and then today...the greatest of His answers to date. Recently my grandmother lost her job. We were both worried about what would happen financially especially with me going to college in the fall. But God has provided so much for us. he has given us money, coming from the most random places, and my grandmother and i have both had our worries eased. But college was still a big burden on both of our shoulders. One of the very first prayers i put in the box was money for college. I prayed to God "somehow, someway. please give us the money.
Today i got a letter in the mail for Anderson. It was my financial aid packet. It said that my total aid was $34,150.00 for my freshmen year. Anderson is just over $32,000 for both room and board per year. I got down on my knees and prayed to the God who has always been there for me. His promises exceed all that i could ask for. I am truly overwhelmed by it all. But God...oh God..thank you so much!

Lost in this World

God....i feel so lost. I know that i must trust in you for everything, but it's so hard. I can hear you calling my name, i can feel your hands grasping me, i can see you at work in every part of my life...so why can't i trust you. I am so focused on this warm and the harm that it has and continues to cause me. I keep thinking about ways that "I" can fix my problems and what "I" can do to make things better, when it should be YOU that i turn to. Lord you know all the answers. You know the solution before anyone even conceives a problem. There has never been a time in my life that you have not been there for me and helped me through. God give me strength to trust in you above ALL else. I pray that my heart will thirst for you and my head will turn to you instead of trying to figure things out on my own.
Amen

He Comes Through

Every time i try to doubt God...He comes through. Every time I say he wont keep his promises...He comes through. Every time I get into the mindset that my problems are too big...He comes through. Every time my life is in danger and I cant see the way out...He comes through. Every time I take my life in my hands...he comes through. Every time I am so low I feel that I cannot go on...He comes through. You'd think that after seeing God come through for me in absolutely every instance...I could have faith and know that no matter what...He will come through.

Question of the day

When was the last time you go down on your knees and prayed?

When was the last time you took time out of your day to sit and talk with God?

When was the last time you weren't "too busy" to do what God told you to do?

When was the last you talked to someone who wasn't a christian about your faith?

What is the reason you started believing in God?

What is the reason you still believe in God?

What is God telling you to do right now?

Why aren't you listening?

Take some time and answer these questions...pray to God to be honest with your answers

The End of the Beginning

"the time has come" the walrus said "to talk of many things. of shoes and ships and ceiling wax. Of cabbages and Kings. And why the sea is boiling hot. And whether pigs have wings"

This used to be one of my favorite poems when i was a kid. I never really knew what it meant then and I still don't have a clear idea today, but I think it means that when you are a child, the world seems one sided. and when you get older you start asking questions, but you do not know yet what kind of questions you should be asking.
It's almost that time again. graduation is in three days and i will officially no longer be a high school student. or a child. I'm an adult now. That's so scary to me. i don't know if I'm ready yet. I think that's why you get three months of from college. you need more time to process things and grow up more before you get to college. i am excited though. College life will be incredible. I just have to get over the fear I hold and let go of some things that need to be gone.

A prayer for the Best

If you do not know me...there are two thing you need to remember. First, i am devoting my life to Christ. I am not perfect and i do not pretend to be...but i love God with every inch of my heart and i know that He sent His son to die on the cross for me and it is my destiny to serve Him and His people and have a personal, true, everlasting relationship with Him.
The second thing that you should know is that Anneliese Rupp is my best friend. we have been friends for about 18 months now and in that relatively short amount of time she has taught me so much about myself and my faith and the world in which i love. She is a beautiful remarkable person and i cannot wait to grow old with her as my best friend, basking in the glory and grace of the one thing we hold most in common; our passionate love for and salvation from God. I pray that God will show her the inner and outer beauty she has denied for so long. I pray that in the midst of all these new changes and the struggle to find her purpose, she will find true happiness and love. I pray that you will keeper her safe and fulfilled and that her love for you and others will overflow.

A Void

So i sit here writing this as a woman in need. I have had one of the most amazing weekends of my life after one of the most heart-breaking weeks. I got two scholarships for college for being an outstanding student. I've decided to major in theatre after hearing God speak to me and tell me that it's time for me to start following my dreams. Tonight we had small group with a bunch of senior girls whom I love dearly. In between the arm farting and making of numerous inside jokes, we had genuine talks about our lives and how to live better. So why do i feel like crap now? i feel like i should be happy, like i want to be happy, but i can't. I feel like there's this huge hole in my heart...this void, and no matter what i do i cant get rid of it. I really need Jesus right now, because this void hurts. I wanna get rid of it and fill it with the love and compassion and the awesomeness that i know surrounds me everyday of my life.

What if it's all untrue?

I'm not gonna lie...i've thought about this question a lot in my life. What if God, my faith, everything i believe in, what if it's all untrue. what if we get to the end of our lives and we realize that it's not what we thought? what if some other religion turns out to be "the right one"? What if? We could every monet for the rest of our lives thinking about these questions and never get anywhere. i have amore prominet question for you...are you gonna let the "what if" rule your life? are you gonna let them determine the course of your life? these questions matter little to me in the grand scheme of things. Yes i believe that my god is "the right God" ( i like calling him my God, it sounds much more personal than just God) and yes i believe that the bible is realy and that everything that is printed in there is the truth. I live my life by faith, but also by love and by relationship. I try to please God and love others as he has told me to do so if i get to the end of my days and it turns out that some other religion is right...well that really sucks. but i know that i've spent my life helping others and serving a purpose higher than myself. And that is what God has called us to do. There's a Nicole Nordeman song that i really like that fits perfectly with this topic.

What if you pick apart the logic and begin to poke the howl what if the crown of thorns was no more than folklore that must be told and retold.
But what if you're wrong, what if theres more
What if theres hope you've never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump, just close your eyes? What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if he's more than eneough, what if it's love?

Take Two

After i wrote the first blog i spent a lot of time thinking about what i meant by "forever in a moment. Normally when i say something it has more than one meaning and so i decipher it when i have down time. As my grandmother was working a puzzle, she yelled out a list of command to me. "Put the dishes in the dishwater, clean your room, wash off the table, start cooking dinner" and coinscidently my answer was always the same..."in a moment". You see, i was so focused on what i was doing in that moment that nothing else mattered. nothing was more important than that. As it happens i was reading my bible and having some quality God-time. i want to be that kind of person more often; the kind that says "in a moment" to everything and focuses solely on God, instead of telling God "in a moment".

Forever...in a moment

Originally when i thought about this tilte for a blog i was confused. How can forever be in a single moment. forever is...wel forever. It is eternity. it is every breath, every smile, every tear you'll ever have in a life time. Forever is defined as continually; incessantly; always. It never began and it never ends. Hmm...just like someone else i know. God is forever. i know this, i have learned it since day one in church. but though God is forever...but he's also right now. Sometimes i get so caught up in how Big and awesome god is, i forget that he's right here with me all the time. I forget that he loves me in a deep and intimate way. i forget that he takes time (does God go on time...i dont think so) out of his days to tell me that I am impotant, that I am forgiven, that i am his unique and beautiful creation. He is forever...in this moment. And i would be nothing less than a fool if i didnt give him everything i have, right here right now.