I've only been 21 for a day and i feel so old. in the past when people have asked me jokingly if i feel any older, i have been quick to give a quirky or sarcastic reply. But this year, i genuinely feel older. There are so many things that i cant explain about, but i can literally feel myself growing up. Its an odd sort of feeling, like your foot falling asleep; it doesn't feel particularly good or bad, just weird.
I feel like, at 21, life suddenly becomes real. i n a year and a half i will be a college graduate. I will be finding a grown up job, living on my own, making my own rules. i don't know about anyone else, but that scares the crap out of me. However grown up i may have felt over the past few years, now the world recognizes that i am grown up. to quote part of my high school graduation speech "I'm afraid of living in a grown up world, doing grown up things, with grown up people, when I can still hear the little girl in me asking for her grandmother to cut her grilled cheese into triangles."
Now, when i think about the future, i can seen an endpoint. It is no longer a general reply about avast area of time somewhere off in the distance. The future is here. the "real world" is knocking at my door, but instead of opening it up and inviting it in, Im finding myself wanting to crawl under my bed and hide until the future gets bored and decided to bother someone else.
I'm sure in a few days i'll get over this and embrace the future with arms wide open and a cheesy grin on my face.
But for now, right now, i'm going to pretend like it doesn't exist. I'm going to stay out late, eat junk food, watch cartoons and never EVER forget that little girls inside me who still cuts her grilled cheese in triangles, who burps incessantly, who loves Winnie the Pooh and Dr. Seuss and realizes that, while she has worked her entire life to be an adult she can be proud of, will now spend the rest of it remembering how to be a kid.
I feel like, at 21, life suddenly becomes real. i n a year and a half i will be a college graduate. I will be finding a grown up job, living on my own, making my own rules. i don't know about anyone else, but that scares the crap out of me. However grown up i may have felt over the past few years, now the world recognizes that i am grown up. to quote part of my high school graduation speech "I'm afraid of living in a grown up world, doing grown up things, with grown up people, when I can still hear the little girl in me asking for her grandmother to cut her grilled cheese into triangles."
Now, when i think about the future, i can seen an endpoint. It is no longer a general reply about avast area of time somewhere off in the distance. The future is here. the "real world" is knocking at my door, but instead of opening it up and inviting it in, Im finding myself wanting to crawl under my bed and hide until the future gets bored and decided to bother someone else.
I'm sure in a few days i'll get over this and embrace the future with arms wide open and a cheesy grin on my face.
But for now, right now, i'm going to pretend like it doesn't exist. I'm going to stay out late, eat junk food, watch cartoons and never EVER forget that little girls inside me who still cuts her grilled cheese in triangles, who burps incessantly, who loves Winnie the Pooh and Dr. Seuss and realizes that, while she has worked her entire life to be an adult she can be proud of, will now spend the rest of it remembering how to be a kid.
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